Tuesday night, I sat in front of the television with 120+ channels of superior programming available for my viewing pleasure. I flipped on the TV and sat myself down for a few hours of an uninterrupted zombie-like state. I promptly channel surfed my way to the FOX network, because that�s the way we do it in the OC. I kicked my feet up and watched the young Russell Crowe wannabe meander his way through the bevy of under-aged Orange County beach bunnies who seem to drink more alcohol and do more drugs by age 17 than Chris Farley used to snort "in a van down by the river!"

Five minutes into the show and I was surfing again. This time I hit upon one of my favorite sporting events, the US Open, and one of my favorite players, Andy Roddick. At least two satisfying hours successfully killed, I thought, as I sat there enjoying one of the best in the sport completely dominate the overmatched Tim Henman. But I found my mind wandering yet again and the channel surfing took over.

I wasn�t quite sure what I was looking for, but I�d know it when I found it. When I went to bed that night, my quest for satisfying television remained unfulfilled. But Wednesday night, I realized why. I hurried home to catch the kickoff of the Pats v. Bears pre-season contest and hit the couch just in time. I had my dinner in front of me and a can of ice cold Pepsi within reach when Tom Brady dropped back for his first pass. Turns out, I didn�t care. It wasn�t Bryan Randall and these weren�t my Hokies.

10. I�d rather watch a BC football game than miss the Hokies. I�d be one of only five in the stadium. It is pretty amusing that their own students never seem to make it out of the parking lot and away from their tailgates to cheer their team on. Let�s get one thing straight: no one appreciates a good tailgate like we do at Tech, but they should probably take a break from chugging their Sam Adams while sitting on the back bumper of Mommy�s convertible 3-series, to actually enter the stadium and watch their team drag themselves to another 6-win season and a berth in the we-strive-to-be-mediocre-dot-com-bowl.

9. Watch a "Martin" marathon. I have nothing against Martin Lawrence. I actually think he is pretty funny in most of his movies � "Mike! Go downstairs and have a Coke and a smile." One of my personal favorites from the original "Bad Boys." But when it comes to his television show it was just plain bad.

8. I�d rather get on Bill Romanowski�s bad side than miss a Hokie game. Sure he can break an orbital bone, but I�d still have one good eye with which to watch Beamer and the boys.

7. Sit in the bleacher seats for a double header against the Yankees at Fenway Park. Yes I know this doesn�t sound as if it belongs here, and this is one of the most storied rivalries in all of sports, but it is still no Hokies game. Follow me on this one. You are in a stadium seat that was built back when people were, oh I don�t know, the size of Kerri Struggs. On one side, a 300-lb. close talker from the Bronx who sold his last stick of Right Guard for his ticket to the game. Turn to your left (away from the giant pit stain) and your other neighbor can�t seem to ingest a Fenway Frank without sharing a few bits and chunks of the reprocessed meat with you and the other disgusted onlookers lucky enough to be within ear shot, as he tells you how badly the Sox are going to get their butts kicked by God himself, Roger Clemens. Plus folks, it�s baseball. You spend five hours watching a guy watch another guy throw a ball at him while he occasionally swings, misses, grabs himself, spits and repeats. Football is a real sport; baseball is just there to sell concessions to the amazingly bored crowd.

6. I�d rather attend my wife�s college reunion than miss seeing KJ break one open for a 50 yard TD. I can imagine sipping wine and nibbling brie on Thomas� famous lawn, listening to people named Brock and Chester reminisce about that time when they were "first years" and they totally sneaked into Scott Stadium without their ties. Rebels. Hey screaming eagles, take this one to heart. The Hoos might get all dressed up to go to their football games, but at least they go!

5. I�d rather be forced to read articles by the college football god that is Matt Hayes of Sporting News, everyday, for the rest of my life, than miss E-Dub truckin� down the sideline for a game-winning TD.

4. Live in Morgantown.

3. End a long day of tailgating and boozing with a last call, fill-my-cup-to-the-brim "rail" from the Balcony (TOTS just sounds goofy). Coincidentally, my buddy Bog and I recently had a discussion about the worst bars in Blacksburg over the years. Anyone remember Greeks or Hawaii Kai? Definite contenders.

2. Get in between Ralph Friedgen and a Chipwich vendor. Now, I have a lot of respect for Friedgen and his "fancy turtles" but for goodness sake Ralph, we would like to have you in our league for a while longer. So please, run the stadium with your boys during practice. From me to you Ralph � your copy of A Chance to Win is in the mail.

1. Be the first guy on the field when we beat Miami this year, running toward the goalpost, leading the charge, foiling Blacksburg�s finest, only to come 40 yards short of my goal and watch our big yellow trophy � the one we were to be parading down Main street and laying to rest with a final heave into the Duck Pond � easily collapse with the pull of a pin, to be used again the next Saturday. You couldn�t at least let us have the goalposts could ya?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have two more days of surfing the web for new VT articles, only to find the same ones that we have already read twice, and yet are happy to re-read again. But on Sunday, Hokie football will take over. I hope you all find something worth watching until then.

Hokies 45
UCF 17

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